


Aware

by mansikka



Series: Too Far [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Rough Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-31 00:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6447514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whatever Dean thought he was bracing himself for, it certainly wasn't this.</p><p>Seconds spun out to feel hours long as he stared up at Cas, frozen under his glare. When Cas didn't move, Dean chanced a look downwards: Cas' knees were either side of his, and his hands were braced in tight fists either side of his head. It took him a moment to understand that Cas was kneeling over him, not touching, yet clearly not giving him any way to move.</p><p>But then Cas moved.</p><p>And with a crushed out breath and a huff at the sudden weight down on his chest, Dean was helpless to do anything but hold on.</p><p>Not hold on. Because the second his hands had unthinkingly risen to Cas' waist at the sudden shock of Cas kissing him brutally, Cas had shifted, and pinned Dean's hands down against the bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aware

Whatever Dean thought he was bracing himself for, it certainly wasn't this.

Seconds spun out to feel hours long as he stared up at Cas, frozen under his glare. When Cas didn't move, Dean chanced a look downwards: Cas' knees were either side of his, and his hands were braced in tight fists either side of his head. It took him a moment to understand that Cas was kneeling over him, not touching, yet clearly not giving him any way to move.

But then Cas moved.

And with a crushed out breath and a huff at the sudden weight down on his chest, Dean was helpless to do anything but hold on.

Not hold on. Because the second his hands had unthinkingly risen to Cas' waist at the sudden shock of Cas kissing him brutally, Cas had shifted, and pinned Dean's hands down against the bed.

A million times, Dean might have fantasised about what kissing Cas might actually be like; not once had this been a scenario that he'd imagined. Cas was unyielding, his lips biting and bruising Dean's, his tongue demanding and forcing entrance into Dean's mouth to torment his tongue with its swirl and slide.

There was no let up. Dean's heart surged frantically, pounding as though Cas was sucking the life out of him as he tried to gasp for air, and for a moment or two Dean let himself wonder if that was what he really was doing.

But then Cas grinded himself down on him with a hard roll of his hips, and the friction of their hardness together forced Cas' head back with a guttural groan that left Dean half groaning himself, half gasping for that much-needed air.

Then Cas was back on him, even less gentle than before. A tiny part of Dean's brain registered fear, that this was somehow very far out of his control. But most of him felt nothing but arousal, that something that he'd wanted for so long was finally happening, even if it was in the most messed up of ways.

But then, just as suddenly as it he had started, Cas pulled back from Dean as though his skin scorched.

He sat back, still straddling Dean, eyes wide with surprise and the back of his hand unconsciously drifting up and wiping across his mouth.

For a breath-catching moment, Dean watched as Cas stared off into the distance over his head. But then Cas' gaze fell to him, and Dean swallowed thickly again, seeing all that earlier anger and fury clouding in over his face.

Cas' jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed, and the next thing Dean saw was his hand raising up towards his face. Dean gasped at the surprise pressure of Cas gripping his jaw, and did nothing to stop him as he squeezed harder, lowering himself again to hover just above Dean's face.

“Do. Not. Presume.” Cas growled out, his voice deep and rasping after so long of not being used.

As quickly as the anger had resurfaced it seemed to drain away again, a look of confusion washing over Cas' face before he collapsed down heavily on top of Dean, and passed out.

***

Sam's return to the motel room found Dean glassy-eyed and staring up at the ceiling, one arm behind his head and the other resting across his chest, with his fingers trailing idly across his lips. Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean's glazed expression, and then again, as he took in Cas laid also on his back, fast asleep.

“He moved?” Sam asked, coming forward and sitting down on the end of the bed.

Dean shifted his foot out the way so Sam had room, glancing down at him briefly then back up at the ceiling as though he was lost in thought. “You could say that.”

When Sam's stare of expectation grew too harsh, Dean glanced down again, and cleared his throat. “I dozed off, woke up to him crouched over me, and then he passed out right on top of me. I had to shove him off. Weighs a ton.”

Sam nodded slowly, still showing surprise on his face. “I feel like I'm getting an edited version of things,” he said, his tone indicating it was meant as a question.

“Leave it, Sam. Please?”

The pleading in Dean's voice had Sam's eyebrows shooting further up, but he listened, nodding his head and standing to look Cas over.

“So what... Is he just sleeping now, or what?”

“I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I guess?” Dean turned his head slightly to look at Cas himself, then immediately dropped his gaze, fingers going back to stroke his lips again.

Sam looked between Dean's masked face and Cas' sleeping one, wondering what he was missing, but forced himself not to put that curiosity on display. Instead he nodded, stood and stretched, tilted his head to show he was going for a shower, and left Dean to his awkward mood as Cas slept on.

Dean waited until he heard Sam start the shower up before he chanced a look at Cas again. He looked different now; more as though he was sleeping rather than that comatosed state he'd been in for far too long. It didn't mean he wanted to wake him; even less now, considering what had happened between them. But Dean would take whatever sign he got that Cas was doing okay, and getting better.

Even if on waking Cas pushed him far, far away.

***

When Cas woke, he had several moments of studying Dean unnoticed, before Dean's eyes raised to his and widened with an accompanying gasp. He watched as Dean went to reach for him, then froze half way, staring down at his own hand and quickly dropping it back down against his lap.

“Cas,” Dean mumbled instead, eyes flickering away from him in uncertainty.

“Dean,” Cas croaked back, instantly making Dean's eyes shoot back to him in concern.

“You need something to drink,”

Cas swallowed painfully as though to confirm that, and instantly Dean was on the move.

“Hey, Cas,”

Cas tried and failed to lift his head to look in the direction of where he presumed Sam's voice was coming from, and softly groaned instead. He heard Sam get up, walking over to him, then saw his worried face leaning down over him, doing his best to try and form at least something resembling a smile.

“I... I don't want you to choke,”

Cas' eyes flicked from Sam over to Dean standing the other side of him against the bed, and glanced down at the bottle of water in his hand. He understood; Dean wanted him to drink for himself, but there was no way he could. No matter how hard Cas tried to force himself to move though, he was too exhausted, and closed his eyes in defeat.

“Can I... maybe I can prop you-”

“Sam,” Cas said adamantly, cutting off Dean's hesitant suggestion, glaring at the hurt he saw in Dean's eyes.

Sam's own eyes shot up in alarm for a moment, then he shrugged, moving around the side and stepping in front of Dean to do so, sitting Cas up. He kept him upright as silently, Dean uncapped the bottle and passed it to him, so that Sam could tilt it gently into Cas' mouth to help him drink.

Cas drank greedily, as if making up for the several days without anything at all, gasping with the effort of it and almost slipping out of Sam's grasp.

“Thank you,” he managed eventually, and Sam helped him lay back down, the entire thing being watched by Dean from a short distance behind them.

“I guess... you're not up for too much talking yet?” Sam asked, watching as Cas closed his eyes tiredly again.

“I'm gonna go get some stuff,”

Sam turned to the abruptness of Dean's voice and watched him stalk out of the room without looking back at either of them. He looked at the slammed door for a couple of seconds after he'd gone, then back down at Cas, curiosity washing over him.

“He's been pretty worried. Me too,” Sam added, the slightest flicker of a smile on his face. “But Dean. He-”

“I know, Sam.”

There was anger in Cas' tone that Sam found alarming; he knew the lead up to Cas getting here had been a painful one, that Dean had very deservedly earned Cas' anger. But to see the way Dean had cared for him over the past few days had half made him forget that.

“I mean I-”

“I know, Sam,” Cas injected as much force into his voice as he could manage, slowly opening his eyes again. “I have been aware of everything you have both said, and done. I am thankful for it.”

“You're welcome,” Sam told him honestly, nodding though surprised at Cas' admission.

“If I can rest a little more then I am sure I will be able to leave.”

“Leave?” Sam asked, incredulous, turning himself a little where he sat so he was looking directly at Cas. “You're... what? You're not going anywhere. I mean, look at you, you can't. But we don't want-”

“I want,” Cas growled out, snapping his eyes shut again.

“But-”

“Sam,” Cas mumbled tiredly, already falling back to sleep. “I must rest.”

“I know. I-”

But Cas was sleeping again before Sam could finish his sentence.

***

“He say anything?”

Sam thought how predictable Dean's first words were on returning, taking in the set of his jaw and the way his eyes flew straight over to Cas.

“Nope. Fell asleep about two seconds after you left. Aside from mumbling something about leaving-”

“What?”

Sam winced at the anger in Dean's bark, shrugging his shoulders. “Probably figures he has to. We've not exactly been... welcoming lately, have we?”

“What did he say?” Dean asked, cutting across Sam's train of thought.

“Just that. That he wanted to leave. We can... we'll talk about it. When he's a bit more lucid.”

“Sam-”

“Dean,” Sam said, fixing him with a look. “You'll fix this. We'll fix this. Just... let him rest, okay?”

“I would rest much better if you were to stop talking.”

Dean and Sam snapped their heads over to Cas, with Dean unable to stop himself stumbling towards him.

“Sorry, Cas,” he muttered, dropping his eyes away from Cas' and rummaging in the bag in his hands. “Got you some of these. I... I know you probably don't really need them, but... maybe it'll help for now.”

Cas' fingers lifted a little, and he shakily reached out towards Dean's extended hand almost far enough before his arm fell heavily against the bed. Cas groaned in frustration, and after debating with himself about it, Dean leaned over him so that Cas could read the bottle of fortified protein drink in his hand.

“I'll, uh... I'll leave it right here,” he said doubtfully, putting it and the other one he'd bought on to the table beside the bed before standing back up. “And Sam'll... you know. Help. If you need it,”

Cas stared back up at Dean then, pinning him where he stood. “Thank you, Dean,” he mumbled, swallowing thickly.

“So,” Dean said after nodding, cuffing a hand to the back of his neck with a nervous flutter. “I'll, uh... I'm gonna go see if there's another room,”

“What?” Sam's voice grew high-pitched with confusion, and Dean's eyes darted away from him.

“Figured. There's... three of us-”

“There's always been three of us,” Sam instantly objected.

“Yeah, but,” and Dean's eyes flicked quickly at Cas before he snatched them away again, licking his lips nervously.

“I am aware now,”

Cas' voice came out low, and accusing, making Dean visibly flinch.

“I'm gonna go,”

“No,”

Dean lifted his head slowly to look at Sam, still shaking his head from his firm objection.

“No, Dean. Seriously. I don't see why-”

“Doesn't matter,” Dean barked out, already heading for the door.

“Dean,”

The only voice that could stop him in his tracks right then came out tired, and raspy.

Dean stood perfectly still with his head hanging down heavily then turned, unable to raise it again to look at him.

“I will sleep, Dean. I am sure-”

“I don't wanna make you uncomfortable,” Dean told him softly, raising his eyes and trying to show all the sorrow he felt.

Cas stared back at him for a moment, before his eyes flickered shut once more, and his jaw grew slack with tiredness. “I will sleep.”

Dean continued watching until he was sure Cas really was asleep, then let his shoulders drop and a sigh escape.

“Alright,” Sam began hesitantly when Dean took a step forward. “I know you two've got a lot to work out, Dean, but. He seems-

“It's fine, Sam. Nothing more than I deserve,”

“But-”

“It's late. Let's get some shut eye. Maybe we can get moving in the morning. Back to the bunker. Hole up there while he gets better.”

And before Sam could say anything further, Dean laid down on the bed, keeping himself rigid, and as far away from Cas as he could.

  
  
  



End file.
